I walked out of Otto Miller at around 3 o’clock on June 5th, only about 15 minutes before the shooting happened. Someone that I knew died. People that I know have been hurt. To have your home invaded is an incredibly traumatic event. I was robbed of having a feeling of safety, not only here but anywhere, and now have to heal and figure out how to cope.
Now that I have gone through this, I will admit that until you spend hours hiding and receiving and sending texts that say “are you alive?”, it is easy to be cut off and distant from events like these. Truthfully, before this I was. It’s just one more school shooting, more causalities, and another push in the fight for gun regulation for some. Both sides of the arguments have solid points, but in polarizing ourselves we are missing what really needs to happen after events like these.
Through this whole thing, I’m not blaming. I don’t blame gun regulations. I don’t blame the person who sold the gun. I don’t blame the lack of mental help the shooters in these events need. I don’t blame poor security. I don’t blame the media. To blame is to limit what happened. You can never explain why this happened because it beyond our realm of understanding. There is no way we can piece together why the shooter came into our building with the intent to take innocent lives. To say it was poor gun control that took Paul’s life is demeaning. To say that it a lack of mental illness awareness that took Paul’s life is demeaning. A 19 year old boy lost his life, and another high school student died as well. Families are experiencing incredible pain. Communities are mourning. No regulation will ever return the feeling of safety, and no regulation will ever return our friends.
The extra push behind needing better gun regulation is most likely a way to show sympathy and let people know that this should never happen again. Here are my problems with saying that gun control is the answer. For one, the shooter could have come in with a homemade bomb. He had a knife. Gun regulations wouldn’t have stopped him. He wanted to create terror. He wanted to harm mass amounts of people for his own personal fantasy of being glorified and exalted. The main reason why saying it is as simple as gun regulations is because of the belittling of lives lost, and the way that it highlights the flaws in the system, and almost reversely glorifies a shooter for taking his chance. I beg you that for the sake of the people hurting do not exalt him by pointing out the flaws in the system. Do not exalt him by making it seem like there were ways he could have been stopped, but wasn’t. Do not exalt him because what he did was evil and caused incredible harm. He should not be glorified. This happened in my own home, and I haven’t even bothered to learn the person’s name. I have chosen not to acknowledge the legacy he tried to create.
In times like these we need to lean on each other. We need to look to God, and begin to grapple with how we are going to forgive. In light of what has happened I ask that you be sensitive, and know this is more than a simple policy adjustment. A person died at my school, and a person died at Reynolds high. Two young lives were lost for someone’s sport, and that to me is one of the most evil crimes that can be committed. To say something as simple as gun control could have stopped it has can cause incredible damage to a family that lost their son. There is no simple answer as to why this happened, and losing your son, or your friend, or your roommate, or a classmate is complex and cannot be tied up with a neat answer. There is no reason why this should have happened, and instead of searching for answers or trying to define the incredible pain that people are feeling we need to learn to just be in it. We need to feel the anger and feel the heartbreak so that we can forgive. We need to cry and mourn because a friend was taken, and now hundreds more in Oregon are going through the same thing. If you want this to never happen again, the best place to start is simply by mourning the life that was lost, and disregarding how it was taken. Remember Paul Lee, a young 19 year old boy who was full of life and had many more years he should have spent dancing. Do not waste your time remembering how he died.
On behalf of my friends at SPU, please join us in remembering our friend. During a time of utter pain and confusion, it is heartening to see the support and love spreading on campus. A stranger came into our home with the intent to harm, and although we are broken, we are united. We are not a community centered in hate, or in vengeance, but in Christ. We are healing, and through healing feeling anger and sorrow, but yet learning to forgive. Paul, you are greatly missed, and we cannot wait to dance with you in heaven.
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:6
“And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:1
emma elizabeth wright 